


Stay For Once

by Bollybaat



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, WandaVision (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/F, Heavy Angst, Sad as fuck i am so sorry, but it had to be done, danbeau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29078538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bollybaat/pseuds/Bollybaat
Summary: [WANDAVISION SPOILERS]Carol is with Maria at last. But it’s not enough.*Nick Fury isn’t dusted in this one because I said so*
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Maria Rambeau & Monica Rambeau, Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Maria Rambeau & Monica Rambeau
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Stay For Once

“It’s cancer.”

Nick didn’t call her at first. It was Maria who insisted, after all, and if he was being honest the woman scared him a little. Not even ten minutes after she was told that her pancreatic cancer had returned and was metastasizing at a terrifying rate, did she turn to Fury and tell him with incredible resilience: “Don’t tell her.” 

Her reasoning, to her mind, was simple. Carol was busy restoring civilizations, saving planets on the brink of collapse, sheltering entire species out there in the vast Universe. She had a lot of important work to do. Much more important than sitting in some bleak, two-by-two, white-walled hospital room waiting for one person to waste away. 

Fury respected that at first. But after watching her go through rounds and rounds of treatment, cutting-edge therapy, and scientific hail-marys, he knew that Carol needed to be there. 

Standing in the waiting room, he debated in his head as he fumbled with the pager. Mainly it was over who he needed to defend himself from the most, because neither woman would be happy about his decision. Too early for Maria, too late for Carol. Better late than never, he said to himself. A turn of a switch, the click of a button, and he knew she was racing across galaxies to be here. “For emergencies only.” Maria wouldn’t admit it, but she was always and would always be Carol’s first priority. 

It took Carol three weeks. Considering she had been lightyears on the other side of space, it was an impressive feat. Still, she kept telling herself that if she pushed harder, she could’ve been here sooner. That they would have had more time. 

“What do you mean cancer? They got rid of it. They did the chemo, the radiation, it worked” Carol said desperately, as if trying to convince herself of that. 

Nick didn’t have the words, and took the hit when Carol angrily shoved past him into the room. 

The blonde came to an immediate halt right as she passed the threshold. The woman on the bed, with a thousand wires in her and even more machines beeping incessantly around her, was not the Maria she knew. The Maria she knew ran around in the Louisiana grass with the golden sun illuminating her radiant skin. The Maria she knew held herself up with taut shoulders that exuded power. The Maria she knew was from years ago. 

The Maria she saw was paler, her skin taking on a yellow-ish hue. The Maria she saw had barely any weight on her bones, her cheeks carved like a chiseled sculpture. The Maria she saw had streaks of grey in her hair and crows feet in the corners of her eyes. The Maria she saw was dying. 

Maria had woken up, groggy and tired, but still with enough firepower in her to take out her anger at Carol for abandoning her work, and Fury for encouraging her to do so. When the rant had died down, and Carol had given her some water after a shouting-induced coughing fit, Carol looked Maria dead in the eyes and said “I’m staying. End of discussion.” And Maria didn’t say anything back. 

It was odd for Carol to adjust to a normal schedule. Not that this was anything normal. But they had a routine: home, hospital, then home, then hospital. Every now and then Maria went to S.W.O.R.D headquarters to make sure things were running smoothly (and, Carol suspected, to tie some loose ends up). Carol refused to leave Maria alone for even a minute, even when what-was-left-of the Avengers tried every means to get her to join their efforts. Everything had to wait. 

Carol and Maria didn’t talk like they used to. There was a tension between them. They never spoke about it, maybe because if they did, they would never stop. So they exchanged awkward formalities, reminisced on sweet memories, indulged in small jokes, and masked somber expressions. 

One Thursday, at the near-end of a particularly stressful week, Carol was staring up at the ceiling of her room, as she did every night. She had pure energy coursing through her veins, so sleep was a hobby at best. She pretended, because she knew Maria would find some reason to worry and would then try to stay up with her. So she just indulged in her thoughts as she fixed her gaze on one spot, and if things got too painful, she’d squeeze her eyes shut until her mind moved on. 

When a loud thud came from outside her room, Carol’s head perked up, and in a flash she was outside, staring down at the figure of Maria pulling herself back to her feet on the staircase. Carol swallowed her frustration and quietly took Maria’s arm, wrapping her hands around her waist with intense delicacy and helping her down the rest of the stairs. Maria didn’t fight it like she would’ve a couple months ago. Instead, she gave in with a disappointed sadness. 

“What were you thinking?” 

Maria knew the question was coming. From when Carol was carrying her, to now when she was sitting between her legs and dressing a cut she had sustained on her arm, she had been watching the other woman try and hide her anger behind that facade of a stone face. 

“That I wanted a glass of water” she stated like it was obvious, like it wasn’t a big deal at all.

”Then you tell me” Carol snapped, the vein in her neck popping out. “You can’t do things like this, what if you-”

She stopped, but an air of understanding hung between them. Carol just ended it with a sigh; she never could stay mad at Maria for longer than a few minutes. She just focused back on shuffling through the first-aid kit for a band aid. 

Maria, on the other hand, didn’t even flinch when the alcohol wipe swiped her cut. Her brown doe-eyes were studying every facet of the blonde’s expression, trying to meet those evasive eyes.

”Don’t leave this time.”

It came out as a whisper. A murmur. A secret thought that was never meant to escape, but in the distractedness of her subconscious, slipped out between soft lips.

Carol froze.

It was a tidal wave of truth that came crashing down upon her, even if she had been running to avoid it. Because she did leave. When the Skrull needed a home, she left. When tyrants were terrorizing planets of people across the galaxy, she left. When duty called, she left.

But when Monica, their daughter, turned to dust, she left. 

She ran. Ran from the fact that she hadn’t been there. Ran from the fact that there was nothing she could do to bring her back. Ran from the fact that she was powerless to bring Maria some comfort when she sobbed into Monica’s old shirt at night, thinking no one was watching.

Maria did her best not to break. She threw herself into her job, expanding S.W.O.R.D’s work into exploring technology and establishing their base on Earth. She maintained hope that her daughter would return to her, and maybe along with her, the woman she loved. And they drifted. 

The silence in the air was deafening. Carol’s left hand had dropped down, and her other lightly gripped Maria’s bicep, as if to ground herself. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry” Carol said. She repeated it slowly, softly, then faster and more frenzied. Tears ran down her cheeks, words caught in her throat, and Maria cradled her head against her stomach. 

She wordlessly tilted Carol’s face up, framing her face with soft palms and wiping stray tears with careful thumbs. God, how she lost herself in those endless eyes.

She had long ago forgiven Carol, because she understood why she left. She just wanted them to go back to normal. 

“It’s okay” Maria reassured warmly, sincerity imbued in her words. “Just stay with me.” 

Carol took Maria’s palms and pressed a kiss into them, curling her hands over them, as she nodded her head. And that was enough of a promise for Maria.

She let Carol carry her back to her room, arms under her legs and around her waist. She let Carol set her down on her bed, climb in next to her, pull the sheets over the both of them. She let Carol hold her from behind, breathe in the scent of her skin. 

Maria liked these moments, even though she didn’t admit it. Being coddled, worried over, cared for to the extent where it annoyed the hell out of her, she loved all of it. But having that would be like asking the sun to rise a little later each morning. When you love someone as incredible as Carol Danvers, the most powerful person on the planet, you have to make sacrifices for the greater good. Maybe it was selfish of her, but it was nice to give that up, even for a little while. 

They shared a bed after that. Maria rested her head on Carol’s chest and dreamt away as the other woman found a new spot to focus on and wandered off with a contented smile on her face. 

They did smaller things too. Carol always reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers when they stepped out of the front door. Maria, on the flip side, preferred to loop her arm through Carol’s and walk side-by-side.

As a surprise for her birthday, Carol took Maria along the California coast in a rented red Mustang that looked exactly like the one she had back in the day. And bathed in the glow of the sunset, Carol could’ve sworn that the woman she was watching dig up tiny clams in the sand with her toes, was her Maria from decades before. 

Like all good things, their time turned bittersweet. Maria’s cancer metastasized once again, to the point where she was admitted to the hospital full-time. She went through the treatments again, because she was nowhere near ready to give in, and Carol was holding her hand through all of it. 

Carol insisted that she share the bed, so when she brought over burgers from Pancho’s that she had flown all the way to Nevada to get, they sat together between the mesh of tubes and enjoyed each other’s company. It was one of those really good moments, the ones that are quiet and seemingly ordinary, but that fill you up with a certain happiness. Which is why Maria chose then to break in the conversation. 

“Carol...”

Not Carol. She cringed at her word choice, because “Carol” instead of “babe” or “honey” carried a telling tone. Sure enough, Carol picked up on it. 

“We need to talk.”

“We are talking” the superhero replied with a playful but obviously-nervous tone.

Maria gave her a melancholy smile. “Seriously. We need to talk about...what’s going to happen.”

The blonde’s silence was her cue to continue, but even after building it up like that, Maria was having trouble finding the words. “Baby I don’t think...I don’t want...I-” Maria sighed, focusing herself and starting again. “I know what’s going to happen. And you do to. And I want to make sure that you’re...okay with that.”

Carol shook her head. “How could I ever be okay with that?”

“You know what I mean” Maria said softly. “I want you to get on with your life.”

Carol was about to speak before Maria held up her hand to silence her. “Now don’t get me wrong. You better cry about me for a year straight, bonus points if it’s longer than that. But don’t get stuck here.”

“I’m not leaving you” Carol stated stubbornly.

Maria pushed her hair over her ear. “I don’t want you to. But hon...you don’t have a choice.”

Carol shook her head weakly. “What am I supposed to do with my life now?”

“You’re going to do what you’ve always done” Maria replied as matter-of-factly as she could muster, though her voice wavered. “You’re gonna be a good person. You’re gonna help people, as Carol Danvers and as Captain Marvel.”

Maria made Carol to look her in the eyes. “And when Monica comes back, you’re gonna tell her that her mother loves her so much, up until she couldn’t love anymore. And that I counted the days until I could see her again, and I am so incredibly proud of the woman she’s become.”

Carol averted her gaze again, but Maria held on to her. “You got me Danvers?”

She whispered a small “yeah” and rested her forehead against Maria’s, shutting her eyes before anything spilled out.

Maria didn’t want to die. Every cell in her body was fighting for a few more seconds with the woman she loved. But she took a small comfort in knowing that Carol and Monica were going to be okay without her.

“I love you” Carol stated. She needed Maria to understand just how much she was going to lose when she was gone, just how much spending almost every moment of her life with that woman has changed her for the better, just how much her soul pained to be with her. 

“I know” Maria said with a smile. 

Maria Rambeau passed away two months later, and Carol Danvers, fulfilling her promise, stayed. 


End file.
